Wisdom of Astrology 8 : Relationship 星的智慧 8： 关系

I supposed you agree with me that, one of the most difficult issues in our life is relationship. Adult relationship is the issue faced in almost all of us. As we know, divorce rate is on the rise especially among young couples.

Very often I hear from my patients or clients that his or her life changed after getting married. There is not a moment of peace or happiness since. There is often regret and thoughts of divorce or separation often spring up. Questions like, “Why did I marry him/her in the first place?” “Was I that blind to fail to see the real him/her?” One 70-year old lady even commented, “If I had known this would happened, I would not have married him!”

Well, as the Chinese say,“ Rice has turned into broth”. At one near-divorce consultation, the wife said, “I wish he is the person before marriage.” Surprisingly, her husband said the same thing at separate sitting!

Very often when relationship turn soured, there is often finger-pointing. All the faults of the other party surface. Before marriage, nice things about the other person are obvious. After marriage, these nice things become the thing of the past and all the bad or ugly things become obvious.

Relationships often go through 3 stages. In early part of any relationship, we are often attracted to someone who has the nice qualities similar to ours. We often feel that there is something in common and we feel comfortable in the presence of the other person. At the 2nd stage, we inadvertently perceive or feel the not-so-nice qualities of the other person. Well, this is the hidden part of us which we do not recognize but we unknowingly pick up from another person. We then feel irritated or uncomfortable with the other person. At this stage there is nothing but blaming or criticizing the other person. Fights normally happen here.

In actual fact, what we are angry with is not about the other person. We are actually angry with the negative attributes within us that we perceived in others. We are actually angry with ourselves! What we dislike in the other person is actually what we dislike in ourselves.

Finally, at the 3rd stage, the relationship is either collapse or restructured, depending on what we have done for this relationship. Blaming or finger-pointing is a common self-defence mechanism. It is an easy way out to avoid being finger-pointed. At the 3rd stage, if one is able to perceive that he or she is responsible for such lousy relationship, one will turn the table around and relationship will improve.

In Astrology, our natal chart will show what type of partners we are attracted to. 7th House is the house of partnership. It depicts who and what our partner is going to be. It can also show how we meet the other half. 7th House is also the house of open enemy. The saying goes, “We are our worse enemy.” In actual fact, we are attracted to the hidden part of us which we pick up in our partners. This is the “ugly” part of us which is often being reflected in the other person through close interactions.

As an example, if someone has Aries on the 7th house cusp. The positive attributes of Aries are forthright, brave, eager, courageous, action-oriented and of leadership quality. So, at the 1st stage of relationship, he is attracted to someone who has these qualities and both feel the enthusiasm of life together. However, at the 2nd stage when the relationship deepens, one starts to see the negative attributes of Aries which are impatient, hurried, argumentative, competitive and harsh. He may even meet a partner who is violent and abusive.

At the 3rd stage, it is a time of reconciliation and integration where we realize that we see ourselves in the other person through the mirroring effect. What we see in the partner is our total reflection. We need to constantly remind ourselves of the true reflections of ourselves in our partners. The process can be very painful initially as nearly none of us has the courage to admit and accept the ugly or weak part of us.

If there is a planet in the 7th house (Uranus in Taurus in this case), it further adds to the flavour of the pattern or dynamics of relationship. Of course, there are other indicators in the chart to describe our relationships.

In other words, we attract people who have similar nature as us, exactly like mirror image. If we have any relationship problem, we ought to do a lot of reflections within ourselves rather than blaming or criticizing or worse, thinking that we are unfortunate to meet this kind of person in our life. After all, it takes a thief to catch a thief!

For me, it took me 3 to 5 years to constantly remind myself of my ugliness through my husband. It was a really painful period for me but it paid off as I am gradually accepting myself as who I am and what I am. Relationship has improved with time though I still need to constantly remind myself for the rest of my life.

Well, Astrology has been a useful tool for me to lead an easier life for the past 7 years. It has also helped quite a number of friends and clients to have a better and deeper understanding of their life, especially in time of problems.

相信大家有同感，关系是人生里其中一个难于处理的课题，相信很多人都面对这一类的问题。离婚率逐渐增加，尤其在年轻一族。我经常听到病患或个案说，自从结婚后，他们的生命有很大的变化，从此失去了安宁和快乐。经常感到后悔而想离婚。种种的问题出现，“我为什么当初会嫁给他？”“我怎么瞎了眼，没看到他的真面目？”一位70多岁的太太（她是第三者）说，“早知今日，何必当初？”生米已成熟饭，怎么办呢？在一次的离婚咨商里，太太说,“我希望他是从前的他。”奇怪，他的先生也不约而同的说同样的话！

许多时候，当关系变卦后，双方都会指责对方。婚前对方的好处很明显，而婚后，对方的好处往后抛，一大推的丑陋，一一搬出来斗。

关系通常需要经过3个阶段。在初期，我们会被相似的优点所吸引，感觉上我们是同类，在一起很舒服。到了第二阶段，我们会感受到对方的缺点越来越明显。其实，这是我们潜在属性，在不知不觉之下，在伴侣的身上发现，无意中“发现新大陆‘！这时，我们就会经常诬赖或批评别人，导致争论。其实，我们并不是生气或讨厌对方，而是生气自己，因为我们把潜在的负面属性，投射在别人身上。

到了第三阶段，关系可好可坏，要看看双方如何经营这关系。诬赖或指责是自我保护的方式，它是为了不想要被指责，所谓的恶人先告状。如果在这第三阶段，当事者能够了解和体会他是需要对这恶劣关系负起责任，那这关系就会有转机。

在我们的本命盘里的7宫，我们可以看到我们会吸引怎么样的伴侣。7宫是关系宫，它可显示我们的伴侣是怎么样的人，甚至我们在什么情况下遇到另一半。7宫亦是我们的公开敌人。有一句话，“我们是自己最大的敌人！”其实，我们是被我们隐藏的那一面吸引。这是我们的丑陋那一面，在互动时投射在他人身上。

举个例子，某某人的7宫头是牡羊。牡羊的正面特质是直率、勇敢、积极、行动和具有领导能力。在第一阶段，他会对具有这些特质的人深感兴趣，互动时感觉热诚。然而，在第二阶段，当关系进入更深一层时，他会逐渐的发现伴侣身上展现牡羊的负面属性，如没耐性、急躁、喜欢争论、竞争性强和粗暴等。他还可能遇到有暴力趋向的人。

在第三阶段，如果我们能够体会到别人只是我们的一面镜子，那这时即是我们调适与接纳的时候。我们需要经常提醒自己的投射，这过程的初期会是很痛苦，因为没有人能够有勇气去承认和接纳自己丑陋的那一面。

如果7宫内有某行星（这例子有天王星入金牛），它提供更多关于关系的资料。当然，命盘里也会有其他关于关系的线索。

换言之，我们吸引同类型的人，正如镜子里的影子。如果我们在关系里出现了问题，不妨自我反省，而不是指责或批评他人，甚至可能会认为自己不幸，遇到了这种人！事实上，物以类聚！

以我个人的经验，我费时3 到5年的时光，经常透过我先生来提醒我丑陋的那一面。当然这时段是非常痛苦的。然而，连续的练习反省，我逐步的能够接受自己就是这样。关系也逐步好转，我知道这需要一辈子的练习（不是学习）。

所幸在7年前遇到占星学，它变成我的生命调适助手，让我的生命过的轻松些。同时，它也帮助了许多朋友和个案，深入了解他们的生命，尤其在遇到困难时。